• These shoes are coming too… much more practical. And totally adorable. Jeans, cute skirts, leggings and a long sweater? Oh yeeeah.  
  • These are on their way to me right now. I am looking forward to wearing them someplace outrageous with Misty. 
Tagged for Jill. :) 
  • Because even shitfaced, we’re still princesses, damnit. This is right before we take that tumblr selfie and we make out for the camera. It’s a hot lemon with fresh ginger shaved into it, kind of a night but this artwork still makes me smile. And be bad. :) 

rnzzz:

The Bitches still here!! Party Hard!!!
  • It is a Misty/boy-side night!!!  :D S/he is irresistible!! 
Kisses, and dirty sex and cuddles await!! 
You know that feeling, that sound of music, shouting it from the hill tops, excitement I’m talking about? I’ve got that going on like nobodies business. Tunes on. Making dinner. Feeling wanted and sexy and excited. 
  • I’ve never been one to stay silent. If you love him S, don’t let go. He loves you. So he was drunk and contacted me. Seriously inconsequential. Insignificant.  I recognized it as him needing his ego stroked. I honestly mean less than nothing to him. He loves you. Honestly, I’m surprised you’re even here. I expected Sarah. (call me, we can joke about it) ;) I am happy now, in my crazy life. I love Misty. I will always have Darth in my heart, but I know he loves you and you both need to sort your shit out. Marriage is hard, I know. I really wish you both happiness.  I really, really do. 
If you even want to hear my version, call me. I never wanted to be “the other woman”. I thought you knew. I believed it was an open marriage. I had hopes of us meeting and being friends. We would have been fantastic visual opposites, which I thought was really lovely. At the end of the day (as Misty would say), I want Darth and you to be happy. I exited stage left (and stayed away) so that could happen. Live and love well,
Becca 
  • Darth came knocking. 

He wanted to meet me in Vegas again. I wonder who he will ask to meet him there next. 


I suffer no illusions. Darth doesn’t love or care for me, if he did I would be in his life. When you love someone you move heaven and hell to make it work. You deal with what comes together. You don’t jump in and out of a person’s life when it suits you. Springboarding to the next, cutest, thing. 

Love means pushing through the tough stuff because the other person is worth it. 

Love is knowing that time is finite, and wanting to enjoy as much of it as you can with that incredible person. Sharing the ride. 

Love is lots of things… But it is always more than just words. Love is a verb. It is action.
  • It was a weekend that will go down in the annals of the clan gatherings as one of the very best. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard, felt so surrounded by love. I wished Misty was there with me many times. I wished that a lot. I wanted to share my amazing family with him/her and visa versa. Sharing my joy with him/her. Being seen together. A strange thing happened at the wedding… I had, what I like to call, a celestial shovel hit me in the face. There were Ben and Leah, and all my jaded anti-marriage-ness melting under the power of their vows. They were using words like “Partners in Crime” and “Adventuring together” - words I use with Misty and her/him with me. And I was overcome with feeling alone. I wanted, in that moment, for Misty/Boy side to take my hand and tell me he loves me and wants to spend as long as we have together. Me. I wanted that crazy shit. I know, I have a hard time believing it too… but the hard part is that I still do. I don’t want *all* of him/her, but I want more. There is no fucking road map for our relationship - no benchmarks, no obvious next steps/stages. I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know if what I want is possible. S/he wants me relax and go slowly. The hard part is that I know what I want, and when I do, I want to kick it into gear.  I feel the tickity-fucking-tock of time slipping away. I don’t want to wait. I want him/her in my bed and in my life MORE. Not all. Just more. I want to love him/her out loud. I want to post pics of us on facebook. I want my family to know about my life, not all of it (whaaaaat, you don’t want everyone to know your boy is also a girl and you do dirty, slutty, sexy things together? I don’t get it.). That said many of my family know that he is sometimes a she. All of them know he’s married. I get a lot of different responses. My Aunt C wanted me to pass on some make up glasses. :) So today I asked him while we chatted at lunch, “I just don’t want to feel like I am wanting something, and it’s just me wanting it…” I still am unsure of what he wants. He was very all over the place and saying things that didn’t really answer my question. I think he knew that. I think he feels like I am trying to pin him down and in a way I kind of am - I just want to know. I want a straight answer. Straight up. “I don’t love you but maybe I will?” (pssst, that is not really the one I’m gunning for)Am I so hard to love? Why do I feel all this conflict? It’s like an extreme, high stakes game of “he loves me, he loves me not.”. Why can’t I just be in the moment? Well, it is the hormone pendulum of that time of the month too. Just to ratchet up this emotional issue. Hormones aside, my desires are valid. I don’t just want more once a month, but it’s like that gentle whisper on the breeze becomes a gale force wind demanding my focus, tossing me about. "You deserve to be loved. With passion. Side by side, so that neither casts a shadow on the other. Loved with freedom to grow. A touchstone.Partners in crime - adventuring with a song in our hearts.Because the best things in life are shared. “
  • I’m on my way to Ontario for a gathering of the clan - I haven’t seen my brothers, both together, in 5 years. My sister and I have a run planned. I’m going to madly hug all my family. My grandmum especially. At 86, I feel like the moments we get now are numbered. My cousin and his wife got me the ticket, otherwise I would not be going.  And I also would not being going if it weren’t for the incredible generousity of my friends C&C. They are watching my peeps as I go back east. There aren’t enough thank yous, aren’t enough words to express how grateful I am.  I am happily sitting at the airport, a stupid amount of time before my flight but I wanted to squeeze in a Misty visit.  Which I managed to. Dirty, sexy, parking lot sex. Way to fast, not enough snuggling, but I will take it! Eat all of it up I possibly can!
I just saw that my friend sent me a bit of his book he is writing about poly relationships - I’ve got stuff to read!  He is very insightful about it, I really relate to how he sees things (and I think he and his girl are da bomb). I was talking to one of my Aunts the other day - Aunt C. She is into D/s. I kind of nudged her towards fetlife and the rest fell into place for her. Anyway, she was filling me in on her relationship and it was just adorable. I’m happy for her. She has been so alone for the last 25 years… it was high time. Her youngest sister, my Aunt S thinks it could be damaging, the D/s dynamic. But I say, full steam ahead! What is living if not with a few skinned (or mangled) knees? It made me think about my first Dom, and how it was an awakening and also painful. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff about that and then deleted it. I’m at the airport for a few hours does anyone have any questions/banter/let’s-post-back-and-forth-about-shit-in-the-archaic-messaging-system-on-tumblr publicly? :) 
  • This year has been a battle with my weight. I need to pull my shit together. It has been creeping back on and I can’t handle the thought of getting heavy again. My running has been inconsistent, unlike my eating. I eat too damn much. And I love eating all kinds of things, which is just hell. It’s the vice you can never quit.Step one - don’t panic. Take one moment at a time. Right now I’m not eating, it’s a win. Step two - accept that this is going to take some time, and baby steps. Keep the momentum, as small as it can be sometimes. Step three - love the process. Find joy in it. Love myself right this minute  with all the nasty fat I want to get rid of and the muscle that needs tone. 
Eat smart, move my body everyday. Breathe. Rinse and repeat.